Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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