I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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