Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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