Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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