Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
