btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
