Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
