i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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