oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
