So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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