Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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