I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
