He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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