I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
