Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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