can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
