im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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