my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
