Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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