my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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