Porn is love you can see.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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