fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
