Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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