But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
