i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
