What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
