I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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