i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
