I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
