just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
