Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Everyone says I win the strip club
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
