his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
