Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
