i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
