hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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