His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
