Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
vagina is talking i cant
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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