May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
