How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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