i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
