Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
