Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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