is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
