There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
