this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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