Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
