I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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