But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
