I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Watching her eat just hurts me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
