I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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