Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
